Sunday, March 02, 2008
Lot.
Sometimes, I look at other people's lives, and marvel at how different they are from mine.
Blogs are very vivid portraits of people, and you can tell a lot about a person from his/her blog. And once a person blogs, a little bit more of him/her becomes a public exhibit to the world. Yea.
ANYWAY.
And I compare my blog and their's, with all their grainy pictures of dark nightclubs, funny cool poses and other general cam-whoring.
And it strikes me at how, no matter how interesting I find their life is when compared to mine,
I'd never
ever be like them.
Its not that I don't
want to.
Its that I
can't.
I can't do the things they do,
or say the words they say.
Ive got so much in my life to look after and tend to, things that are so different from what other people treasure.
Ive got a school to go to, loved ones to watch over, my future to protect, that doing anything not subservient to those ultimate goals seems so trivial and stupid.
Stupid, but tempting.
So I allow myself a few crazy stuff here and there,
and when I play I play kinda.. hard. Haa~.
But never as much as these people.
Never so much that it becomes a lifestyle.
So perhaps that's my lot in life,
that i'd always be the same, but different.
That i've been forced to grow up (so) fast that sometimes I want to be a child again.
And so I guess that's the title of today's post.
Actually most of this was written almost 6 months ago, but was only saved as a draft until now.
It was written when I met this girl from TP at a group survey, and checked out her blog, in which she talked on end about her happy-go-lucky life, clubbing practically everyday and hanging out with her many girlfriends every day. I felt a pull on my heart. Is it normal to live life like that? Must you do exactly the same things before others consider you to be cool? If you don't do that, will you automatically be seen as an average invisible nerd?
Recently also, I caught up with an ex-classmate of mine who went to SP's business IT course. Back in secondary school he was retained for one year in sec 3, and when i first met him we often fought alot, pushing each other over chairs and tables. But soon we became casual friends. He told me about his experiences here in poly.. Said he clubbed 6 times a week, was an ambassador for Nightlife.sg, had lotsa flings with many girls, and even has a police record for doing really stupid stuff while drunk. I compared what I had to what he had. We were like on two different planets. I wonder, does he envy what I have? In fact, do I envy what hE did?
And so I reflected on my own, reflected on where I've been, where I am, and where I am going. I wonder who I will still have beside me in 10 years' time. What will I say about myself at the next class reunion? Could it all boil down to what you want in life? You get what you wish for. It once again came to this zero-sum conclusion...
To each his own...
..
..
..
I think soon I will need to change myself. Self image. New clothes.
Change!
jOhn thought at 3:29 PM
